Why do we marry?

Ladies. Did you grow up fantasizing about your wedding? Did you imagine yourself going down the aisle with every boyfriend you had? OR Did you swear you would grow old with a harem of cats (like me!)?

Men. Was your plan to be a bachelor swarmed by hot women your whole life? Did you grow up thinking that marriage was just a part of the "American Dream" package? Or did you not even think of it?

It's interesting to think about where our perspectives on marriage are formed. Was it from TV (the Cleavers, Married with Children, or Princess fairy tales) and/or from watching our family's marital dynamics?

I grew up watching Married with Children and thinking my parents' dysfunctional relationship was the way marriage "worked", only to find that my mother's second marriage was where she found true love. 
Matt grew up watching the Cleavers and his parents' seemingly perfect marriage, only to find out that they really weren't in love and were waiting to divorce 35 years later.

When I observe marriages, I'm always wondering what initially brought the two to marriage...a shared fear, a shared need, a common value, similar idiosyncrasies that can only be understood by the other.

So, why do we choose to marry? Why not just keep dating forever, without the formal religious/legal contract? Is it...

• A NEED to have someone by your side forever (or you'll just die)?
• A fear of being alone?
• A shared goal or value that could only be achieved with a lifetime commitment?
• An ultimatum by your partner at a crossroads of the relationship?
• A requirement by religion or tradition?
• Because you "have to" do it before having kids?
• Did you feel such an overwhelming sense of love that marriage was what you had to do about it?
• Were you pregnant?
• Was marriage just the natural "next step" to progress the relationship?
• Was it because everyone else your age was doing it?
• Did you just want to be able to sleep in the same bed at your parents' house?
• Did you think that s/he was the only person that 'gets' you in the whole world?
• Or was it a little of everything?

For me...I felt like I needed to seal the deal with someone who was compatible with me (because seriously, anyone who has lived with me knows that it ain't easy!). 
For Matt...It was the next step to keep the relationship progressing. (That said, progression can get unruly...three children later, we're finding new ways to "progress"!)


This gets to the matter of LOVE. We'll get to that on the next post.

Why did YOU choose to marry? 

Or, better yet, why have you run from marriage?

Crazy times call for strong marriages

So, here it is. My thoughts, views, and pondering on marriage. 

I've been watching people's relationships since I was young, wondering...What makes a strong marriage? Why do some marriages fall apart? Why do others seem to fizzle? Why do almost 50% of marriages end in divorce?

These questions have gotten stronger over the last year as my small circle of friends have experienced some of life's biggest stresses:

Death,

 Separation,

  Job loss,

 Affairs,

 Divorce,

Unexpected pregnancies, 

Abortion/Special needs babies

I've been watching how these issues have affected the spouse and family of the person experiencing the stress, AS WELL AS the friends supporting the family with the stress. Our small circle has projectively experienced the emotions associated with each of these traumatic events over the last year. How could we not? How else can we be compassionate without actually TRYING ON how the person that we're supporting is feeling?

2010 was not a pretty year for some. So we shall spend 2011 processing what we've experienced and the impact it has on marriage and family.